There are friends with a little "f" and friends with a big "F." The first is a large group with sloppy admission standards, the other an elite and time-tested crew.
A little "f" friend: Identifies themselves when they call.
A big "F" friend: Doesn't have to.
A Little "f" friend: Opens a conversation with a full news bulletin on their life.
A Big "F" friend says: "What's new with you?"
A Little "f" friend: Thinks the problems you whine about are recent.
A Big "F" friend says: "You've been whining about the same thing for 14 years. Get off your duff and do something about it."
A Little "f" friend: Has never seen you cry.
A Big "F" friend: Has shoulders soggy from your tears.
A Little "f" friend: Doesn't know your parent's first names.
A Big "F" friend: Has your parents phone numbers in their address book.
A Little "f" friend: Knows almost nothing about your family.
A Big "F" friend: Knows the medical history, dietary habits and marital troubles of everyone on your tree.
A Little "f" friend: Brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A Big "F" friend: Comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.
A Little "f" friend: Calls you at 10 p.m. just to chat.
A Big "F" friend: Knows you hate to be called after 9 p.m.
A Little "f" friend: Wonders about your romantic history.
A Big "F" friend: Could blackmail you with it!
A Little "f" friend: When visiting, they act like a guest.
A Big "F" friend: When visiting, they open your refrigerator, put they're feet on the sofa, talks back to your spouse and reprimands your children.
A Little "f" friend: Thinks the friendship is over when you argue.
A Big "F" friend: Knows that a friendship's not a friendship until you've had a fight.
