"Graveyard"


EPITAPH  HUMOR

This page is dedicated to my dear cousin, Don Steele.
(As a compliment!  *Grin*)
Although he doesn't know it, he was the inspiration for it.
HERE'S TO YOU DON!

     

Actual Epitaphs Found
On Tombstones In Cemeteries




Cemetery




"Here lies my wife
Here let her lie
Now she has peace
And so do I!"





"Here lies
JOHN D. CUDD, DMD  (Dentist)
Filling his last cavity!"





Tombstone in Round Rock,Texas

"I told you I was sick!"





Found on a headstone in an old cemetery

~ ANNA PERRY ~
"The children of Israel wanted bread
And the Lord gave them manna
Parson Perry wanted a wife
And the Devil gave him Anna!"





Grave marker in Covington, Virginia

"I made a lot of deals in my lifetime ...
But I sure went in the hole on this one!"





On a grave at Hollywood Cemetery in Richmond, Virginia

"MARGARET DANIELS"
"She always said her feet were killing her
But nobody believed her!"



Cemetery




In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England

"On the 22nd of June
~ Jonathan Fiddle ~
Went out of tune."





In a London, England Cemetery

~ ANN MANN ~
"Here lies Ann Mann
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
Dec. 8, 1767"





Playing with names in a Ruidoso, N.M. Cemetery

"Here lies Johnny Yeast
Pardon me for not rising."





A widow wrote this epitaph in a Vermont Cemetery

"Sacred to the memory of my
Husband John Barnes
Who died January 3, 1803
His comely young widow, aged 23,
Has many qualifications of a good wife,
And yearns to be comforted."





A marker in Enosburg Falls, Vermont

~ ANNA HEPEWELL ~
"Here lies the body of our Anna
Done to death by a banana
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low
But the skin of the thing that made her go!"





Someone in Winslow, Maine didn't like Mr Wood

"In Memory of Beza Wood
Departed this life
November 2, 1837 - Aged 45 Years
Here lies one Wood enclosed in Wood.
One Wood within another.
The outer wood is very good ...
We cannot praise the other."



Cemetery




In a Thurmont, Maryland Cemetery

"Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go!"





Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania Cemetery

"Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake
He stepped on the gas instead of the brake."





On a grave in East Dalhousie Cemetery,
Nova Scotia

"Here lies Ezekial Aikle
Age 102
The Good Die Young."





"Oops!
Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York
Born 1903 - Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car
Was on the way down.  It was."





In a Silver City, Nevada Cemetery

"Here lays Butch.
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger,
But slow on the draw."





A lawyer's epitaph in England

"Sir John Strange
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is strange!"



Cemetery




"He died at a public gathering
When the platform
Suddenly gave away."





"Here lies the body of Mary Devoe
Wife of Henry Devoe
Tears cannot bring her back
Therefore I weep."





"Beneath this stone
My wife doth lie
Now she's at rest
And so am I."





Found on a tombstone in Hookstown, Pennsylvania
It has an etching of a marijuana plant on it.

"Hi!
Stay high!
Bye!"





On a headstone at Chapel Cemetery

"I was Carolina Born
And Carolina bred
And here I lay
Carolina dead!"



Cemetery




On a tombstone of a woman who died
in New England in the Colonial era

"She did what she could"





"Here lies Kelly,
We buried him today.
He lived the life of Riley,
... when Riley was away!"





On a headstone in Oconto Falls, Wisconsin

"Here Lies The Body Of A Man Who Died
Nobody Mourned - Nobody Cried
How He Lived - How He Fared
Nobody Knows - Nobody Cared"





"Here Lies Joyce
She'd rather not
But has no choice."





On a tombstone of a newborn in
Ashby de la Zooch, England

"Open'd my eyes
Took a peep.
Didn't like it
Went back to sleep."





From a cemetery in Hatfield, Massachusetts

~ ARABELLA YOUNG - 1771 ~
"Here lies as silent clay
Miss Arabella Young.
Who on the 21st of May,
Began to hold her tongue."



Cemetery




On a headstone in Kent, England

"Grim death took me
Without any warning.
I was well at night,
And dead in the morning."





"He looked
For gold
And died of
Lead poison"





"Here lies the bones of Private Jones
For whom War held no terrors.
A private then, a private now
No runs, No hits, just errors."





A grave in Girard, Pennsylvania

~ ELLEN SHANNON ~
"Who was fatally burned
March 21, 1870
By the explosion of a lamp
Filled with "R.E. Danforth's
Non-Explosive Burning Fluid!"





An epitaph in a Wimborne, England Cemetery

~ JOHN PENNY ~
"Reader if cash thou art
In want of any
Dig 4-feet deep
And thou wilt find a Penny."



Cemetery




Lester Moore was a Wells Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, Arizona
in the cowboy days of the 1880's.
He's buried in the Boot Hill Cemetery in Tombstone, Arizona.

"Here lies Lester Moore
Four slugs from a .44
No Les No More."







The original story of this is that someone found this
on a tombstone buried deep in the grass.
Upon pushing the grass aside, he read:


"Pause, stranger, when you pass me by,
For as you are, so once was I.
As I am now, so will you be.
Then prepare unto death, and follow me."


Pushing the grass aside a bit more, he found the following scratched
on the stone, done with a crude instrument:


"To follow you I'm not content
Until I know which way you went!"


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